Pregnancy is the best thing that could have happened to me
I will be a first-time mom in late June of this year. It’s such a major life change. I would have never seen it coming at the same time last year. I mean, my 5th wedding anniversary took place last year in July. In a way, I expected my lack of motherhood to continue.
Sure, I have dogs, a cat, and a fish, but it’s different. They behave like children, yet they lack the complexities that most humans are wired for. A human baby has the potential for more variety.
Maybe we were or weren’t trying…
It’s funny because we weren’t necessarily attempting a pregnancy. I made the important decision to remove my hormonal IUD in December of 2019, and I didn’t do it because I planned to start a family. My intention was to lessen the physical and emotional side effects that resulted from its use of almost 5 years. Yes, it did help.
So, I’m sure others would say that a lack of birth control is certain to lead to pregnancy, but no, condoms exist for a reason, and the majority of sensible people can figure out how to use them properly.
It was just time, really.
Throughout the first portion of last year, we weren’t careful once in while. Then things changed as summer was coming to an end.
He didn’t voice an opinion. I had the occasional concern. We just enjoyed our relationship without worrying. After 3 months of excessive fun, I conceived in September. I had no idea of course. I found out in mid-October that I was expecting. Honestly, neither of us showed more than neutral emotion which might seem odd to others. I guess we just accepted it as fate.
We both are at peace with it and glad.
This was meant to happen.
I admit that I had worries in November and early December. I was nauseous every day, vomiting almost daily, and began to wonder about what kind of mother I would be. I got over those thoughts and feelings during the holidays.
Ever since this year began, I’ve felt as if this was destiny.
The movement and tiny kicks did it for me along with hearing that heartbeat. I witnessed my baby move around during two different ultrasounds.
I have a living being inside of me right now. I’m grateful and glad about this situation. What if I said that being a mother, even of a pre-born baby, has given me more of a purpose in life than almost everything I’ve ever done before? The only thing that rivals it was the day I was married.
I no longer have doubts about my two main vocations in life. It all finally makes sense. My only regret is that I couldn’t figure it out earlier. It all happens the way it’s supposed to, of course. I was compelled to find and understand my inner demons earlier last year with the shadow and subpersonalities exercises I attempted. I read so many books on archetypes, psychology, spirituality, etc.
I am simplifying it all now. Little by little, everything in my life is becoming less complex and more peaceful. I am a housewife, and now I am a mother to a pre-born baby. I feel consistently content these days. Who would have thought?
Originally published on February 27, 2021
